Ok, ladies, we all know that most guys would rather do just about anything else besides planning a wedding. But, what do you do when you need his help? You want his opinion and you want him to care – just a little bit! We have John from Outspoken Groom here today to give us some candid advice about how to truly get your groom to care about wedding planning. (And, when you are finished here, be sure to drop your man a hint and let him know about Outspoken Groom. It is a wedding advice blog for guys written by a guy who is experiencing it all first-hand – he is in the DC area too!) Getting groom involvement is easier than you think – you just need to know how to go about getting it! Take it away, John…
When asked to write an article on how to get grooms involved in wedding planning, I did my due diligence to see what other wedding “experts” believe are the best methods to get your future hubby more active in wedding decisions. But let’s face facts. I’m a guy who doesn’t follow directions well. So, instead of following the metaphorical bread crumb trail in front of me, writing the same article that talks about giving the groom tasks you know he’ll be good at, I ended up using the bread for a sandwich and taking a nap. But when I awoke, lost on how to organize my thoughts into some mix of rambling and cohesive advice, I had an epiphany. I realized the issue is not with getting us grooms (yes I’m speaking on behalf of all grooms out there) involved in wedding planning. It’s keeping us involved during the months and months of preparation and decisions, big and small, expensive and cheap. So for one day only, I’m stepping away from my traditional role helping grooms navigate the terrifying seas of wedding planning to help you princesses of color palates with some much needed advice.
It doesn’t mean we don’t care.
Men don’t spend their childhood thinking about what their dream wedding will be like one day. We’re not prewired to think about how the little details, like how the napkin borders needs to match the bridesmaid’s shoes, which are required to compliment the flowers, which has to blend with the season and planetary alignment. So when you brides spend hours meticulously scrolling through wedding sites, only emerging to charge your iPad or ask our thoughts on the rustic barnyard inspired centerpiece you just pinned, please understand that when we don’t have opinion towards something, it doesn’t mean we don’t care. In fact, we care a lot (especially when the costs are coming out of our wallet). But generally speaking, we’ve never thought about the majority of these details, nor do we even know where to begin. So please don’t get pissed when we say things like “whatever you think will look best” because we have no damn idea what looks best and we faithfully trust your judgment.
Comparing weddings annoys us.
Pinterest – the app that the majority of men in the world will never understand – is rapidly crippling all original thought and creativity. But before you turn your wedding heels into shivs and come after me like an angry mob, I’ll advocate that some actually use Pinterest for creative inspiration. The remainder, and you know who you are, are just comparing what others have done to what you wish you could do at your wedding. Even further, nothing is more irritating to us than when you compare our wedding to your coworker’s, sorority sisters, or best friend’s older cousin’s wedding. When we’re subjected to things like “I wish our decorations are as authentic as Becky’s” or “Jackie’s fiancé was able to negotiate the price in half” it makes us want to put forth minimal effort the next time you ask for help. Truthfully, we don’t like Jackie and we think her fiancé is a douche.
Know when to concede.
Ask any newly engaged guy what advice he received from his male comrades and I assure you most will say they were told to pick and choose their battles. Great advice that I will happily pass on to my friends, but advice that isn’t restricted to XY chromosome only. So brides, whether it’s an untraditional style wedding ring you know he’ll replace in a few years or some obscure tool on your registry that he’ll likely use twice throughout the entire marriage, raise that white flag high and save your energy for future arguments, like the seating arrangement.
Timing can be everything.
Ladies, you should know your fiancé better than anyone else, so you probably know when to approach him with wedding related topics. From personal experience, my fiancé discovered that immediately walking through our apartment door after a shitty day at work isn’t usually the best time for an interrogation why my friends haven’t sent their RSVP responses yet. So if your goals is to keep your groom involved in wedding planning, remember timing can be everything. I assure you we’ll respond much more favorably if you give us a few minutes to decompress. Additionally, and this might be a stretch, but I believe professional football has your best interests in mind when it comes to wedding planning, which is why the majority of the games are scheduled on Sunday afternoons. So if you plan 12 venue tours with stops at the local cake bakery and your favorite florist on a Sunday in October, just realize right now you won’t have our full attention.
Lastly, and I’ll argue most important, realize that you need help planning a wedding, not a wedding helper! Don’t treat the groom like your personal assistant or chauffeur taking you from vendor to vendor. Sure, in the perfect scenario all of your wedding tasks will be completed together, finished ahead of schedule and under budget. But planning a wedding, much like life, is far from perfect. It’s not a competition to see who can get the most done, so if you think that dividing your checklist 50-50 is the best way to get him involved, I’m here to tell you otherwise. Remember, we want to be involved. Maybe not with all of the decision, but most of them…so don’t fault us for that!
Now I usually close my articles with the phrase “Cheers Gents,” but for you lasses of lace I’ll just say “Salut.”
Well, thank you so much John! That was truly eye-opening! If you are looking for more guy-centric advice, be sure to head over (or send your guy) over to Outspoken Groom - you won’t be disappointed!
To find more Washington DC area wedding advice, check out our tips section with everything from flowers to budgets to venue searches. And, for loads of DC area wedding ideas, check out our galleries – we event have a gallery for groom and groomsmen wedding-day looks! Don’t forget to look through our amazing DC area wedding vendor guide for all the vendors you’ll need to make it happen.